Love is not an exclusive relationship; love is a quality and depth of being. Our external relationships are a mirror of our basic internal relationship with ourselves. Relationships are a balance, development, and dance between our masculine and feminine qualities. All people seek love, joy and harmony in their own way. We all want to be loved for who we are. We all want to be recognized and accepted for the unique individual that we are. The problem in relationships arises when we look for our own center, our own source of love, in another person. We look for a source of love outside of ourselves.
The problem in relationships is that the other person also looks for his own center, his own source of love, in the other person. In this way, both people sooner or later will feel disappointed and cheated, due to their expectations of the other person. It is first when we let go of the idea and the expectation that the other person will give us the love that we do not have within ourselves, that the basis for a truly loving, fulfilling and meaningful relationship is possible. It is first when the relationship becomes one of giving love, rather than receiving love, that the relationship becomes truly nurturing and fulfilling. As long as we look for the source of love outside of ourselves, we will eventually feel disappointed and disillusioned.
It is first when we can relate from our inner selves, from our inner core, from our inner source of love and truth, that relationships become truly loving, creative, and fulfilling. First, when we discover the source of love within ourselves, which is our true nature, we can become truly happy and fulfilled. As long as we need another person to cover our inner feeling of emptiness, to cover our inner darkness and loneliness, the relationship will sooner or later end in disappointment, frustration, and disappointed expectations. It is first when we no longer need the other person to fill our inner emptiness, that we can consciously relate from our inner being, from the authentic self, from our inner source overflowing with love.
When relationships are based on the expectation that a partner should fill our inner emptiness, it is like offering an empty cup to our partner with the expectation that the partner will fill our empty cup, rather than overflow from our inner selves and fill our hearts. cup from within ourselves. The difference between acting from our inner being, from our inner source of love, and acting from our inner emptiness, is like the difference between acting from the light and the dark. I have noticed how much of my professional life, as a therapist and course leader, has been a way of filling my own inner emptiness and a way of receiving love, recognition and acceptance. I realize what a difference it is to be in contact with another person out of a desire to get love from the other person or to be in contact with another person without any desire to receive anything from the other person.
When I can rest in my own inner source of love, a joy and relaxation is created in me. It also gives me the freedom to give others the space to be who they are right now. I have also learned not to act when I am not in the light. I have learned to wait to act until I am back in the light. I have found that when I can be in touch with myself, instead of automatically reacting and looking for love outside of myself, I can witness my own inner feeling of emptiness, my own need for love from outside of me. This awareness changes my need to seek love outside of myself and causes my own inner source of love to begin flowing from within. It is awareness and acceptance that allows me to be with myself and to witness my own feeling of wanting love from outside of me. It is like being with this feeling and embracing it as a mother embraces her child. This awareness and acceptance brings me back to my own center, instead of looking for a source of love outside of myself. I also realize that the more I can accept both when I am in the light and when I am in the dark, the more this awareness and acceptance causes more moments of light to arise than moments of darkness.
One key to relationships is knowing the difference between when it’s time to hold on and when it’s time to let go. The criteria are the degree of joy and satisfaction that the relationship creates. If there is love and truth in the relationship, life will sustain the relationship on its own. If there is no love and truth in the relationship, it will change. Expectations are the basic problem in relationships. Expectations are ideas of how I should be, how my partner should be, and how the relationship should be. When the relationship doesn’t fit with our preconceived ideas and expectations, we become disappointed.
When I told a beautiful woman I was in a relationship with for the first time that I loved her, she didn’t reply that she loved me too. Instead, she was silent for a long time, and then said, “You are brave to say that!” Her own truth was that she wasn’t ripe at the time to say that she loved me too. At that time she was not mature enough to make the commitment of saying “I love you” to another human being. I didn’t expect her to say that she loves me too. For me it was giving without expecting anything in return. For me it was a way of overflowing from my inner source of love and truth. Instead of asking if she loves me, it’s just more creative to ask if I love her. It’s sharing my love, and then it’s up to the other person what they want to do with it. He or she doesn’t have to do anything with it either.
What is the difference between the pole of love and the pole of freedom in relationships? Relationships are a balance between love and freedom, where often one partner chooses the pole of freedom and the other partner chooses the pole of love. The freedom pole means that the couple chooses their own freedom, independence and individuality before the relationship. The pole of love means that the couple chooses love, being together and relationship. It’s like the image that one partner is always trying to run away from the relationship, while the other is running after. Previously, I have almost always chosen the freedom pole in relationships, but in one of my last relationships I found myself on the love pole, as she continually chose her own freedom and independence over the relationship. She didn’t bother me because I loved her and it was also a valuable meditation for me. But I could also see that if the relationship is to be alive and develop, both partners must have a basic commitment to the relationship. Both partners need to have a love for each other so that these two poles do not become a mechanical way of reacting. If there is love and truth in the relationship, life will sustain the relationship on its own. If there is no love and truth in the relationship, it will change.
By learning to be alone with ourselves and lovingly relate to others, we can more easily appreciate and accept when life offers us periods of love and solitude. It also makes it easier to see when it’s authentic to be alone with yourself and when it’s authentic to relate to other people. Some people cling to relationships to avoid meeting their own loneliness. Other people chose solitude to avoid having to interact with other people and risk being hurt or betrayed. Through learning both to be alone with ourselves and to relate to other people, it gives us a new freedom to relate to life. It gives us a new joy and freedom both to be happy and content in our own solitude and to relate to people with joy, acceptance, trust, friendship, humor, fun, understanding, compassion, silence, sincerity, freedom and a sense of oneness. loved.
