Self-confidence is essentially an attitude that allows us to have a positive and realistic perception of ourselves and our abilities. It is characterized by personal attributes such as assertiveness, optimism, enthusiasm, affection, pride, independence, confidence, the ability to handle criticism, and emotional maturity.
Trust is learned, not inherited. If you lack confidence, it probably means that, as a child, you were criticized, undermined, or suffered an inexplicable tragic loss, for which you blamed yourself or were blamed by others. Lack of trust is not necessarily permanent, but it can be if it is not addressed. Our religion, the influence of the culture that shaped our perspectives, our gender, social class, and our parents in particular, are all factors that influence and contribute to our level of confidence and esteem.
Confident people have deep faith in their future and can accurately assess their capabilities. They also have a general sense of control in their lives and believe that, within reason, they will be able to do what they want, plan and hope for, no matter what the foreseeable obstacle is. But this faith is guided by more realistic expectations so that even when some of your goals are not met, those who are confident will remain positive, believing in themselves and accepting their current limitations with renewed energy. However, having high self-confidence does not mean that they will be able to do whatever they want. That point of view is unrealistic, one for perfectionists. The desire to be good at everything we do to impress others comes from a competitive instinct and a lack of personal reinforcement. Any truly successful life has rewards and the ability to learn from any setback, increasing our resilience, self-confidence, and determination. True confidence requires that we constantly face the possibility of failure and confront it. However, if we constantly lose both achievement and validation, even our identity is called into question.
Self-esteem is the opinion you have of yourself. It is based on how you perceive your value as a person, particularly with respect to the work you do, your status, achievements, purpose in life, your perceived place in the social order, potential for success, strengths and weaknesses; how you relate to others and your ability to help yourself. Because esteem is a perception of your worth, your own worth of yourself dictates how others perceive you as well. Buddhists classify low self-esteem as “a negative emotion or delusion, which exaggerates one’s limitations in capacity, quality, and growth potential.” It is the result of having a bad image of yourself based on personal experience in all the elements of life mentioned above. People with low esteem never feel in charge of their lives. They often feel like victims or outsiders: ignored, excluded, unimportant, insignificant, and unloved. As you spend your life internalizing the criticism of others, taking it seriously while constantly seeking that elusive recognition, your personal evaluation will be reflected in the evaluation of others, no more, no less. But if we allow others to take control of the decisions we must make, we gradually become dependent on them as well, abdicating responsibility for our lives, which tends to lead us to be doormats for the benefit of other people.
Low self-esteem often has three sides. The first is exhibited by the individual who always seems to be the underdog, the offender, the negative saying “I couldn’t”, “I shouldn’t”, “I can’t”, “I don’t have a choice” and “I have to.” The opposite side to that, and the second type, is the person who seems very confident on the surface, a type of person who takes charge, who seems to have a lot of control, very stubborn and often finds himself in leadership positions. But this is usually a mask for low self-esteem because you are likely tense, serious, anxious, and fussy. When things go wrong, low self-esteem comes to the fore. Often perfectionists, they find crises difficult to handle and tend to blame others for everything. They are usually demanding, self-centered, very independent, markedly self-reliant in their distrust of others, and slow to accept criticism, instructions, or instructions. Locked in their own narrow world, they fear new experiences, always following the book and resenting innovation. In effect, occupying leadership positions without being true leaders. This type of low self-esteem will often deny that something is wrong, because your belief in being fully in charge and more competent than your bosses or subordinates is your main protection. However, being fully in charge of your life removes the need for anger, insecurity, and the desire to judge, control, or denigrate others.
Fun seekers
The third personality type is one that always seeks fun and happiness from others, especially partners and love interests. Laughter becomes a mask for the bad opinion that these people have of themselves, so everything is done with an emphasis on “fun” so that they feel worthy, either to find it or to give it. Sensitive, thin-skinned, funny people have very low self-esteem, hiding their anxieties behind a soft mask of lighthearted superficiality that tends to irritate others after a while because they don’t know when to stop being happy and play dumb. . Like the office clown who goes to great lengths to show how “happy” he is, but is anything but; the joker who likes to laugh at the expense of others, especially through racist, sexist or offensive jokes, anything to feel superior; the boy who is always with friends because he cannot bear his own face or company for long; the type who loves a challenge, particularly while doing outrageous things, to show off their bravado, talent, and machismo, and the ones who brag on potential dates that they can make them laugh and keep them happy.
In relationships, funny people find it difficult to commit to others because of their acute social fears. The main desirable attribute they offer potential partners is ‘fun’, always looking for laughter, sex and good times to hide their insecurity and pain. However, since “funny” people always try too hard, they are in fact the most boring and joyless people, the kind who have little humor. Then it becomes heavy work for your partners. This is because laughter must be within us. No one can make us happy, only enhance that happiness. Fun people’s method of feeling important is to be the center of attention in a more positive way. But, as their activity is often not genuine, more to hide their low confidence than to enhance it, their effort is not really effective. They never openly address their personal pain or pain. They are reluctant to trust others and are even more reluctant to commit to someone, which makes them feel insignificant if they are not eternally happy boys or laddettes. Acting otherwise would deny them the attention they crave.
Many people with low self-esteem gravitate towards the uniformed and public services where they can use the power entrusted to them, while being validated by uniform and authority, to increase their self-confidence and ego. The strict hierarchy provides the security of a given status, reinforces the ‘traditions’ that must be maintained and the consistent feedback that they require. However, that is also what makes change so difficult to introduce in these occupational fields. Fear of innovation and lack of self-confidence to carry it out frustrate them every time. Very confident people tend to become scientists, engineers, entrepreneurs, writers, or creative and artistic types, preferring to control their own environment and destiny. The commercial, media and technology spheres also seem to provide the freedom of expression and the source of opportunities that they actively seek.
