There is a painting in the Norton Simon Museum in Pasadena that presents the portrait of a gentleman, or so we would think to the naked eye.

But the artist must have been a bit upset with his subject. Perhaps the employer was less than generous, or possibly late in paying previous commissions.

Nothing in the subject’s facial expression, clothing, or posture reveals the artist’s contempt.

However, if you start from the bottom of the frame and move up, focusing on the poser’s fingers, and more specifically, her nails, you’ll see what I mean.

There are traces of trapped dirt that are barely visible to the attentive eye.

The artist strove to put them there and in doing so delivered a completely accurate face of the man, from his point of view. Hundreds of years later, this silent editorial continues to whisper:

“Look, this is not a knight!”

Erving Goffman, a famous sociologist, pointed out that there are two types of messages in human communication. The first he called “Given Expressions.”

Let’s say you are discussing a manuscript before a public meeting. You would be giving an explicit message designed to produce a specific result in the audience.

Similarly, if you’re a salesperson following a set presentation, you’re most concerned with creating and delivering a given expression.

But Goffman pointed out that there are also “Given-Off Expressions.” These are unintentional messages that we send. They seem to have a life of their own.

In the legendary Kennedy-Nixon presidential debates, a sweating Nixon “gave” television audiences the impression of a man who was not calm under pressure, someone less presidential than Kennedy, at least to many viewers. Some say this completely unintentional mistake cost him the election.

When communicating, and especially when negotiating, it is worth “listening to the whole person.” This implies monitoring what they say, when they say it, how they say it and above all, if possible, what they do NOT say, or what their bodies reveal that contradict their given expressions.

The negotiator who speaks too slowly, or who says he has all the time in the world to make or not make a deal, gives himself away by looking at his watch too often and asking too many “when” questions.

Players know that their counterparts tend to give “signals” that reveal the quality of their poker hands. For example, they may scratch their nose, tap their fingers on the table, or inhale deeply after looking at their face-down cards.

In a recent James Bond film, “Casino Royale”, the villain is perceived to have done just this, isn’t he?

Smart players and dealmakers purposely give “false warnings” to trick their enemies into making catastrophic mistakes.

Some are so skilled that they can get away with it.

I was negotiating the sale of a property and I met the buyer along with one of his workers on the property. He spent a considerable amount of time ridiculing the place, calling out every fault and deficiency in the neighborhood.

Then, he made his offer, dead serious, in a flat take it or leave it tone.

I thought he was being honest, but my Doberman had a different impression.

He growled within seconds of hearing the “offer”.

“Is he growling at me?” my counterpart asked, obviously shocked by Blue’s intrusion into the deal.

“Wow, I don’t know,” I replied.

Obviously the guy gave off something that was there, but I wasn’t sharp enough to pick it up. However, I trusted Blue’s assessment and told the guy I’d think about his offer.

In two weeks, I sold the place for way more than this guy was offering.

What is the moral of the story?

Bring a Doberman to all your negotiations!

Seriously, train yourself to listen to the whole person and pick up on clues you’ve probably been ignoring.

Not only will you become a better communicator, but you will get better results in your negotiations.