Calmly, I fell silent and listened. So I said “Tell me more.” Then I was quiet again. And I listened a little more. And took notes. (In case you hadn’t listened carefully enough.)
Then I thanked him for his help and told him I would think about it. I commended him for making such a good suggestion. And I thanked him for listening to me.
What just happened?
I just demonstrated exactly what I did to reach out to my boyfriend to listen to me. During that time, he was unhappy with his relationship with another woman and it was driving me crazy. But I still managed to stay calm.
As I did
I did it by learning to understand men better.
To be more specific, I learned about
- How men listen to women …
- What makes a man NOT want to listen to a woman …
- What encourages a man to trust his lover …
- What makes a man unwilling to trust a woman he loves …
- And so, I discovered that …
- Men can listen better when you want me to help you solve a problem; Tell him what you want from him BEFORE you start talking; Pick a good time.
- A man stops listening when there are too many words; Can’t follow unrelated thoughts; You are not sure what to do when you are overly emotional or feeling guilty.
- The most important thing a man needs to be able to trust someone is a sense of security.
- A man will not trust a woman he loves if he fears her reaction; or keeps trying to tell him what to do (like his mother).
So how does my understanding of men differ from yours?
It’s different because most women don’t really understand men. They think so, but in fact they are wrong. And this misconception is what keeps most women talking to their boyfriend … the same way they would treat a close friend.
I know because I used to do that too … And I can share with you that my ignorance did not improve my relationship with my husband. It only made things worse …
The more she tried to prevent her from talking to her close friend, the more she thought she was crazy… she felt she was insecure… she was less willing to talk to me. It was terrifying. Very scary.
So what did I do? I finally gave up and admitted my ignorance.
So I decided to do myself a favor and put my energy into understanding men better.
- I read books.
- I attended seminars.
- I watched videos.
- I did a lot. But nothing really changed much.
Until I discovered a book that made my heart melt. The more I read it, the more compassion I feel for men. And that’s when things really started to change.
So what can you do to understand men better?
- You can read books.
- Talk to people who really understand men.
- Find out for yourself.
- And much much more.
But really, I encourage you to keep doing it until you feel your heart begin to melt.
Because that’s a real sign that you’ve really started to understand men better. And that’s when it becomes easy …
- Quietly be silent and listen.
- Say “Tell me more.”
- Hush again. And listen a little more.
- Take some notes (in case you didn’t listen carefully enough).
- Thank him for his help.
- Praise him for his suggestions.
- Thank him for listening.
And that’s when you can finally earn their trust …
To make him feel understood enough … secure enough … and eager to trust you with almost everything about him.
