The bees are disappearing like flies! No, flies aren’t disappearing as much as we’d like them to, especially here in dairy-ridden Idaho. The bees are disappearing.
This could be bigger than Iraq and Katrina!
Bees pollinate everything good we like to eat, from avocados to zamberries.
What, there are no “zamberries”?
Well, think of something we eat that begins with the letter Z.
Bees do not pollinate grain, so I am told. They pollinate apples, walnuts, avocados, soybeans, asparagus, broccoli, celery, squash, and cucumbers. That’s what it said on my daily rag this morning.
They also pollinate citrus fruits such as oranges, lemons, limes, and grapefruit. They pollinate peaches, kiwis, cherries, blueberries, and blueberries (probably pollinated by the well-known swamp bee.
Bees pollinate melons such as cantaloupe, watermelon, and molasses.
About twenty-seven percent (27%) of everything we eat is pollinated by bees.
Now listen to this; many animals eat alfalfa hay.
Now a cow is such an animal.
I hear the bellowing of the cows every morning and at night. If the wind is conducive, I can smell them too. Still, I like milk on my breakfast cereal and with my graham crackers (and so on) before I go to bed.
No cows, no milk!
My son is a vet who takes care of cows. You need cows to feed your thirteen (13) children. If we run out of hay and cannot grow more alfalfa because the bees have failed us, the cows Really bellow. My grandchildren too.
Twenty-seven (27) states, Canada, Brazil, and parts of Europe now have bee shortages. The issue was recently discussed with Vice President Cheney, so things are sure to get worse. Cheney is an expert in turning bad situations into colossal disasters.
Those who are educated in Bee (or at least entomology), they are having a terrible time doing their job. That’s because people like you and I keep interrupting their studies by email, letter, and telephone. Beeologists are getting a lot of suggestions on the causes of declining bee populations.
Some think that it is the earth’s magnetic field that is killing the little creatures.
Others think it is global warming and it was instigated by Al Gore.
Whatever the cause, beekeeper They say that bees are very good at spreading a bee disease. They are so sociable that if one bee catches a cold, they all start sneezing and coughing.
I think that must be true. The other day I saw a bee flying with a tiny scarf.
As a precaution, I suggest we leave the vitamin C to bees to help reduce cold symptoms. Dr. Linus Pauling died in 1994 at the age of ninety-three (93) while still racing through airports. He fought cold and aging symptoms with vitamin C, which is why I recommend it to bees as a precautionary measure. I have a handful every day.
I also suggest the common practice in Japan. When you have a Japanese cold or the deadly Japanese flu, you wear a mask in public. Then when a sneeze hits, the bugs don’t spread from hell to breakfast.
We need to work on little masks for the bees.
Although some species of bees are born with cute masks, we need some that are made with the right insect filter material. The mighty 3M® Company must get to work on this right away. They can combine their “stick a piece of paper on anything” technology with their industrial face mask technology.
They should have those little masks rolling off the assembly line next week.
Now, the next thing to consider is how we get these tiny masks to the bees and how we get them to use them.
Well, what could be simpler than that?
When I lived in Arizona, we had several hummingbird feeders in the yard in hopes of seeing the many species of hummingbirds that hover around Arizona. (I’m sorry you folks from the East have only the Ruby Throated species of hummingbird.) Here’s my brilliant idea: make a little mask dispenser that attracts bees because it contains sugar water. The little bee approaches and tilts its head to inhale some sugar water and its head hits one of the 3M® adhesive masks and wala! The mask is on forever.
I know this will work because those little sticky papers work and I know bees are used to visiting hummingbird feeders by now. I should be selling the Bee Mask Dispensers using the new 3M® Bee Mask on each of my eighteen (18) websites by next week.
I know that magicians say the word wala!
They say wala! when they make something disappear. By no means should anyone interpret my statement to mean that the bees will disappear. No, it means that the bee mask problem will go away thanks to the new bee mask dispenser designed by the behemoth 3M® Company and myself.
Well that should be a start. Don’t forget to build up a supply of canned fruits and powdered milk.
Oh, one more thing. Like the Japanese, bees must stop shaking hands.
The end
copyright © 2007 John T. Jones, Ph.D. (Taylor Jones, the hack writer)
